1. I met a good friend while taking my morning walk. “Hey Paul, why do you look so dejected today?” “Oh Henry, I’m in trouble I need cash for the business and have no idea where to get it from!!” “Oh I’m sure glad to hear that” I replied. “I was afraid you might think you could borrow it from me!”
2. A quote from an interview with the head of a growing company. Journalist asks:
– So how many employees are working in your company?
– Approximately half of them…
3. Client: Yesterday I bought an energy saving bulb in your shop, returned home, but it does not work. It should not, it saves energy.
4. A store manager overheard a clerk saying to a customer, “No, ma’am, we haven’t had any for some weeks now, and it doesn’t look as if we’ll be getting any soon.”
Alarmed by what was being said, the manager rushed over to the customer who was walking out the door and said, “That isn’t true, ma’am. Of course, we’ll have some soon. In fact, we placed an order for it a couple of weeks ago.”
Then the manager drew the clerk aside and growled, “Never, never, never, never say we don’t have something. If we don’t have it, say we ordered it and it’s on its way. Now, what was it she wanted?”
The clerk smiled and said …”Rain.”
5. When a guy’s printer type began to grow faint, he called a local repair shop where a friendly man informed him that the printer probably needed only to be cleaned. Because the store charged $50 for such cleanings, he told him he might be better off reading the printer’s manual and trying the job himself. Pleasantly surprised by his candor, he asked, “Does your boss know that you discourage business?” “Actually, it’s my boss’s idea,” the employee replied sheepishly. “We usually make more money on repairs if we let people try to fix things themselves first.”
6. Fresh out of business school, the young man answered a want ad for an accountant. Now he was being interviewed by a very nervous man who ran a small business that he had started himself.”I need someone with an accounting degree,” the man said. “But mainly, I’m looking for someone to do my worrying for me.” “Excuse me?” the accountant said.”I worry about a lot of things,” the man said. “But I don’t want to have to worry about money. Your job will be to take all the money worries off my back.” “I see,” the accountant said. “And how much does the job pay?” “I’ll start you at eighty thousand.””Eighty thousand dollars!” the accountant exclaimed. “How can such a small business afford a sum like that? “That,” the owner said, “is your first worry.”
7. Why did the doughnut maker retire? He was fed up with the hole business.
8. I always tell new hires, don’t think of me as your boss, think of me as your friend who can fire you.
9. The owner of a company tells his employees:
“You worked very hard this year, therefore the company’s profits increased dramatically. As a reward, I’m giving everyone a check for $5,000.”
Thrilled, the employees gather round and high five one another.
“And if you work with the same zeal next year, I’ll sign those checks!”
10. The population of this country is 237 million. 104 million are retired. That leaves 133 million to do the work. There are 85 million in school, which leave 48 million to do the work. Of this there are 29 million employed by the federal government. This leaves 19 million to do the work. 4 million are in the Armed Forces, which leaves 15 million to do the work. Take from the total the 14.8 million people who work for State and City Government and that leaves 200,000 to do the work. There are 188,000 in hospitals, so that leaves 12,000 to do the work. Now, there are 11,998 people in Prisons. That leaves Just two people to do the work. You and me. And you’re just sitting there reading jokes all day!
Let’s face it – running a business is hard. Let the UGA SBDC do some of the heavy lifting for you and help organize your business and plan strategically for the future. To find your local UGA SBDC office, CLICK HERE.